Hitchin It; I Watched It With Liz; Dirty Little Rumes; Boob Toob; Chooch's Duty; How You Gern Lie Lick Dat?

Alfred Hitchcock: Not For Stoners

Theys babes. Theys chases. Theys parties. Theys people that are just as terrifying and weird as jumping spyders. That's all dope. But nobody likes a plot twist when they’re high because its such an easy vibe manipulator for a part of the film that a high person couldn’t care less about.


The exception to this stoner shit is the byrds. All the gnarly colors and lack of justification for anything kill the competitive edge that stoners hate about Hitchcock movies. You’re just witnessing so much relatable terror that you party on it.





Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Dubbed Into Spanish: ✔+

As we all know everything is better Mexican style. Whether its fast food (the chorizo and queso blanco tacos at 5th and Girard for 2 clams), skeleton illustrations, true crime stories or high strung drama queens it will be better if its got the Mexican seal of mayhem on it. That’s why you can take Hollywood filmmaking’s thickest, creamiest buttjizz and turn into something rad just by morphing its actors into Spanish ventriloquist dummies.






The Bathroom at Barclay Prime: ✔

Unisex bathrooms are a new ploy to encourage flirtation and drug use in hip restaurants. You get ninjas and jugglettes rearranging their facepaint and throwing up their 80 clam entrees next to each other and some neddan exchange is down to happen. That’s why the gendered stalls with their full-length doors at Barclay Prime are a next level edition to architectural wingmanning. Everyone from Patrick Bateman to Luis Caruthers can let all of their weird illicit desires fly free in a place like that. There’s even a little mirror in each of the stalls so you can be freaked out by the bags under your eyes that the generous overhead lighting can’t conceal. My only complaint is that the mirror didn’t have a Z-axis to lie it flat so you could do massive grub sized lines right off that. As a solitary location the place gets high marks because its so crazy. But I can’t be totally stoked on it because the infestation of Manhattan zones into Philadelphia grosses me out. Stephen Starr is seriously Wraithing out at the top of the Comcast building in a chair with detailed engravings of the Yawm ad-Din that appears to be made of walnut but is actually tanned dolphin pelt and Jew-bones. And I can’t hate on that but goddam it’s unsavory.







Worlds Wildest Police Chases (TV show; not event): ✔−

Why not just watch porn you nutcase?






The 2010 Philadelphia Phillies: For Stoners

Statistics aside these boys have the intangibles down pat. They’re clearly the hunkiest team in baseball—though we’re all going to miss Jayson Werth next year when he signs with the Shelbyville Shelbyvillians. They just have a great attitude. From Michael Sweeney’s pervasive niceguy high-fives you can feel through the cable box to Ryan Howard’s chill dad to Chooch’s incomprehensible yarbling interviews. They’re havin fun out there and hastlin the haters better than most rappers. Few people have had such a pronounced aversion to haters in the history of ballin. Maybe Triple 6 Mafia is their only competition. Like. In general. Anyway let’s WFC it again come October bros.







The Ticket I Got From The NYPD For Not Letting an Undercover Cop From Jersey Cut Me Off: B −

I left Mateo’s house in Jersey City at 2:30 in the morning for Brooklyn to avoid getting a 40 clam ticket for parking Big Red on the wrong side of the road. Needless to say the Path train confused me and I ended up in Newark where a man claiming to be a lost member of Manudo gave me some Orbit Mist Gum and explained how he was never gay with Ricky Martin. The next day I was stuck on Broome Street trying to leave Manhattan for 2 hours when a car attempted to cut me off. It was a white Ford charger that turned out to be an undercover from Jersey. An NYPD officer gave me a hundo and 30 clam ticket. I told her I had no money and she didn’t care. I know this has nothing to do with the first part of the story but feel like the two events are linked cosmically or something gay like that. In either case I’m not paying the ticket. Come find me. I have bats that rule the evening with rabies and bad attitudes.

turkey, cumbies

puking up ground turkey 6.5/10
It was mostly flavorless but it was the texture of the ground turkey that really left me unimpressed. I propelled it with more force than I usually puke and I got to really watch it arch over the deck into the dying ferns which saved it from being a lesser experience


asking the lady at cumberland farms which the freshest blunt they got is and her frowning and handing me a strawberry white owl 9/10
hootie-hoo, yuh, woo-woos tie-dyeing the whip before noon betch

river monsters, times of day, new nyquil formula, bug fever, manfred mann

River Monsters (tv show) A+
A fifty year old raging queen named Jeremy John Wade from rural England blowing up every possible spot in order to engage in sadomasochistic rituals with improbably giant fish. Sport wood or get a job trying



10 am (time of day) F
If you are in any way okay with 10:00 a.m., I don't know you or your maricón tea-drinking pussy yoga morning friends and I don't fuck with you at all period because any real ass man or woman is either puking, writhing, or having spasms at that hour if they have to be dealing with the stupid, stupid, world



the new Nyquil formula B-
I don't touch anything cherry flavored unless it is worth it. Therefore, I don't know if they changed the cherry 'quil or not. They probably did and I am sure its terrible. I always have preferred the traditional flavor, a shittier, or maybe spicier, licorice flavor with overtones of alcohol like the Pernod in Absinthe, made tangy by the rad, rad, dxm. However, it is law that all cool things must come to suck, so they added much more menthol to the new nyquil formula. Everyone knows menthol goes in newports, not anti-anxiety medication.
But come with me to the Coke Side of Life. They changed the doctor downtown from diphenhydramine (in benadryl) to doxylamine succinate (in unisom) which is an aficionado's delight.
I remember seeing some footage on television of a bunch of deep sea divers celebrating in submarine pressure adjustment chambers by drinking nyquil. Of course it rules, otherwise why would they card you for in in Florida? Nyquil has saved me from tom petty's breakdown in cars, on trains, and everywhere I have been stranded. I expect it to continue to, thanks to its blend of herbs, vitamins, and minerals.




5:45 am (time of day) D-
This is the time of day when normal people with jobs start waking up and late night skateboarding takes a hazardous turn because most of the people driving around that early are landscapers in vans or F350s who think they are the only ones on the road but I am the exception that is proving the rule at that time of day




12:34 am A
Let me let you in on a little secret because this is the first post. When the numbers line up, the "Work" begins. This continues until approximately three in the morning, when the witching hour begins, which is observed until a good half hour after the sun is up which means its about time for me to ease back into the old coffin





Bug Fever C+
I don't miss Bug Fever and I don't think I ever will. It kept me on my toes and got me out of bed in the morning but sometimes it was all I could do to not burn the whole house down in order to kill all of the bugs. There was no escape from them, only the illusion of escape. For instance, after I would kill all of the horseflies in Colin's room and try to go to sleep I would look up and realize that the spiders were doing-the-cull in the corners, and there was nothing I could do about it.
There was one time that a horsefly got me and left a pig's eye sized welt that hurt whenever I pressed my back against anything. For the first few days, it itched heinously and leaked fluid. I felt generally feverish and insane. Another time I was dosed with europaaean acid and a bug was blown up my nose by the wind of a fan. The implications of it breeding maggots in my brain sent me spiraling into a thick fever. Luckily I had enough twisted tea to get wasted and wander around in the yard until the worst of it subsided.
It was rare that I would not be covered in ants in my sleep. I could only watch in passive terror as hundreds of black centipedes writhed over my bare toes in the swamp soil. Occasionally the temperature would drop and all of the flies would become slow and lazy and I was able to massacre them in large amounts. Only through much much death there was some escape from the buzzing and itching








manfred mann's feelings about being blinded by the light A++
"...momma always told me not to
look into the eyes of the sun,

but momma, thats where the fun is..."

















I WANT YOU GUYS IN ON THIS-
every last riscal rascal of you so
send me your email addresses

i just wanna make it clear that the idea is to review anything you want
however you want, just do it up, and do it up good. i used the
school grading system in this first test post but i will switch to other
units of measurement for the various things that i will have to both
encounter and review. do what you want do it it do it. if you aren't
down thats cool and ill just slash yr name off the list like yuh
because thats squaresvilel or have a job if you can't think of anything
you have opinions about its cool and all if you take your time, work it out,
do your thing, you know im laid back but you know i never sleep

i just want a community of friends gangbanging reality,
my friends all seem to have a lot to say about things and i
RESPECT IT AND SO SHOULD EVERYONE ELSE

personally, im gonna review some stupid shit and say some stupid shit
and you should too because we're on the internet and not only lamer
than that, we are on a blog and if the city hasnt turned you into a
termite already you recognize the internet is a fad and
nothing that we ever say ever really matters which means-


as of now, no one knows about this project but you dudes
and dudettes who i have let know , so,
unlike most projects which are secrets to us and our teams,

~~i want to start the commotion,
weirdos my sweet, sweet, weirdos,
we must take it to the mind-streets~

peace-ful-ness and warmth,
sissy spring