apparently the days are already getting longer which is supposed to mean that the idiot days of winterfuck are starting to be less dark but I rate this as bullshit

Grapefruit and a Orange Pall Mall Waiting for the 41: even

They were giving out free citrus fruits at the Standards and Curriculum Office
So I went for the big Kahuna, and while I waited
for the bus in the cold without a hat (because I am a worthless piece of trash)
I asked the other person out there, over at the 16 stop for
one of her tasteless white 100's.She had a beard and coke-bottle glasses.
On the way home I snuck into a smokers back alley where
I peed on the wall underneath the the big "J Geils Band " Graffiti.

listening to dillinger and watching precious on instant netflix on mute I give it a B because it means that you're too high to function

Bigfoot Burger 9.2/10

Didn’t have the will to make dinner after work
So I stopped by the Real Deal to pick up a Bigfoot Burger
and saw some cleavage when the girl bent over to get me
ketchup packets, and went home, where I had received
an important technological part in the mail, and Wyndham
and Pat had sent me rap trax! I interviewed my old
sixth grade social studies teacher on the phone
about the state of the world, and wrote a paper
about how one of Shakespeare’s plays is about love
being a lie, which I don’t really think is true.

Miley Cyrus smoking Bong of Salvia 9/10

http://www.tmz.com/2010/12/10/miley-cyrus-video-bong-hit-smoking-salvia-herb-pyschedelic-birthday-party-hannah-montana/

Thanks God journalism is finally starting to mean something. Here I was, thinking "oh gossip news isn't something I'm interested in, maybe I should just wax the dolphin, crawl back into bed and sleep my problems away" and then BAM!the internet changes my life again "Stay up!" says the internet "You need to know what's going on!"

movirs i was too fjucked on kpin 2 go 2 sea;

owls ofv gahoole- owls are for emo betches


avitar- i could buy so muxh 2CI for 3D imax prices lollololo plus u cant
smoking oxy in the movie room (theater)

newest harry potter- it takes somuch dedication to drive a car or walk throug trsficw

yellow submarine- who the fuck are these dudes

jarhead- is that the movie about the sailo4r/

I saw a girl on the street holding a hockey stick and thought to myself what the puck

rate that

wink daddy

thinking the liquor store salesman is continuously winking at you as you discuss fine dessert wines then realize he only has one eye

B+

I liked the attention but it's better this way

your roommate's friend pissing on your space heater in the winter 4/20 because he thought it was the bathroom and now you're gonna be so cold

your roommate's friend pissing on the uninstalled air conditioner in the corner of the room in the summer 20/20 because that's his vision, he did it on purpose to make you sweat

jwoww talkin honest about her antacid meds

omeprazole (prilosec) 9/10
i take 40 milligrams of it every day for my ulcer and sometimes an extra 20 milligrams and it does the trick by coating my stomach with chemical. it takes a while to build up in your system. without it i slowly get in more and more pain until i am curled up in a ball


lansoprazole (prevacid) 2/10
brad a new medication in cute capsules so i figured it would fly but its shit in my hair




caesar salad pizza at lui luis and fernando pessoa's the book of disquiet 9/10
its like the one time we ate the Caesar salad pizza at Lui Lui' s, bitch please, 8 dollars for a single bar, everything country prices not in a good way if you dont know then you dont know what the fuck is wrong with the world, crossing my legs and my eeyes never on purpose




ranitidine (zantac) 4/10
it fucks you in the long run it fucks you in the long run

cimetidine (tagamet) 7/10
this is some quick acting, im babysitting a purple fish who likes rap and i need to get more food for the fish and i need to get more cimetidine but i think im just gonna get the food for the fish because its purple, if you catch my drift




oh yeah calcium carbonate (tums) 8/10
call me Bitchin, call me xtra strength 750 dime rock in the dam stem

7 Cool Hobbies to Try With Your Boyfriend 2/7

http://allwomenstalk.com/7-cool-hobbies-to-try-with-your-boyfriend/

We're just all looking for a good time folks.
great intro:

Have you ever noticed that some couples seem to have such a great time doing things together? It’s likely because they’re not always doing an activity or pursuing a hobby the girl wants to do — they’re probably doing things they both want to do! If you want to try a hobby your boyfriend might like, I can help! Here’s a list to give you some ideas…

#1 Homebrewing: sure I guess, but can't face up to being that couple in the picture. No offense.
#2 Target Shooting: I appreciate them really going for this one
#3 Rock Climbing: pfffffright
#4 Flag Football: with who?
#5 Golf: If I knew where local mini golf was, do you think I would even be looking at this list?
#6 Rock Band: so great. Like the video game Rock Band.
#7 Fishing: This one would be pretty nice if I wasn't surrounded by concrete and poison all the time.

Dead Prez: Revolutionary but Gangsta Grillz mixtape- Street rating: a friendly high five

Am I the only one who didn’t know that Dead Prez puts out mixtapes? It blew my mind to think about them on a DJ drama mixtape over tracks used by Drake, Gucci Mane, Lloyd Banks and Pat Benetar. The mixtape format works really well here too: Dead Prez takes songs about, you know, stuntin’ and bonin’ and flossin’ and stuff and raps over every one about way realer shit, I mean if you listen to Dead Prez you already know what they‘re going to say here. “Beamer Benz or Bentley” becomes “Malcom, Garvey, Huey”, there's more rhymes about raising the children they have, "ghetto gospel with a little T-pain", and the whole thing ends with the sound of a bong rip.

Will.I.AM &Nicki minaj-Check it out- 7.7/10

So I'm home from work, blazin up and trying to get some work done on youtube, and I go for this (I was gonna say "take a chance" but shit, this one's a no brainer this time of night). Ignore the horrible Asian minstrel showish element cause that'll just bring you down, same with the track, it hurts to hear "Video killed the Radio Star" have the sugar squeezed out of it, it was rally just a matter of time. Nicki comes on and she's like what Queen Amidala really was in real life, it's great. Will.i.am (is he gay by the way?) veers in with that same stupid "this beat is hot" filler wearing that hat, and those dancers are stretchin around am I'm like fuck it, I thought this shit was so lame a moment ago but maybe I should just surrender to it, I mean Nicki Minaj can only dance it one way,like a robot, and she does it every video. And then it's a little too much, and Will.i.am says "niggerific" and SHOWS YOU HIS EYES and wait I'm watching it again and I forgot about the cartoon part, and will.i.am just used a rhyme I thought up today "kill it" with "skillet" and I really don't know. He plays air synth at the end.

hitting my head with a brick 3/10
i was coughing a lot so i slammed myself with a fuckin brick

" " " with a cinderblock and falling off a bridge 8/10
its funny, i didn't even remember the falling off a bridge part


sucking pokemon candy off my pokemon bandaid 7/10
its exactly what it sounds like, a banana backwoods cigar


tom petty whispering to me over american girl acid flashback 20/12
i said the Wood Good, all the dead Jesus Freaks up in piles, now

Drinks, drinks

gosh aren't we all really thristy all the time? i wake most days, my throat scratched like sandpaper swallowed, black flecks of phlegm spewing every which way, metal sparks and car exhaust trapped up in there, drying me out to the bone. i think about this now, picking out pieces and tossing them into the cup by my bed. a few remedies:





























room-temperature milk: D
i'm just going to start here with what i think to be probably the worst. first of all, it's poison. secondly, who needs this, who needs this time-take-back to post-womb lives, it's not cold, it's not hot, it's just flat flat flat. a small film stretches across and is covered with dust.

































raw shower water: C+
now we're really getting into something, the tinny tin tin of the metal pipe, water heater backwash splishsplashed into my wanton mouth. i'm thirsty but not that thirsty.





































cran-lemonade four loko the next day with morning's o.j.: C+
i was really let down by this one, everything about it points to G.O.O.D.E. truth is truth.





























last quarter of gatorade bottle (color optional): A-
this is really where it begins. it's cold, you've been refrigerating, and you're thirsty, because it's the witching hour. what's too bad about this last quarter is that it doesn't last forever, because it feels like you've known this forever and you'd marry it now and be wed forever if it just would last a little longer. unfortunately, all good things must come to a gruesome, gruesome end and this one is no exception, she dies a slow death in front of your eyes and recycling bin, crying out to the night: "take me back to tulluleoooooooooooooooooooooooooo"
























candlewax cocktail: B (only this last one, usually A/- material)
ever get something down there that feels a little hairy? that itch your mother couldn't even scratch? take this witch's advice: pour yourself a candlewax cocktail, swallow that string and let the wax drip on down, drip drip drip right down to the bottom of that string. pull 'er out, and you'll see: hair, dust, fur, feather, gypsies, diamonds, gold, what have you. REVISED: no found drawbacks.



















vodka pineapple: A+
if you're reading this without one of these in your hands................

~~~breakfast~~

this is the game of snaps

sometimes im into things for breakfast

sometimes im not






































relish and old crow for breakfast 6/10
i wouldn't say it leaves you alone

a cobb salad and a grape four loko for breakfast 3/10
coughing up blood and mcdonalds salad in a totaled car on elliot street

pineapple and pussy for breakfast 5/10
rick ross kenny loggins crab legs that go all the way up, pineapple makes me itch

dustblunt and benno von archimboldi for breakfast 10/10
time is money

bone marrow and black candle wax for breakfast 2/10
its just getting used to it all

quick cellphone conversation with your dad and a cold potato for breakfast 1/10
really terrible

coconut rum and codeine through twizzler straws to the history channel for breakfast 8/10
"daddy hungy"- quentin "daddy hungy" moore


waking up in the submarine you live in for breakfast 10/10
"its really a trip... living in this submarine..."

cutting crack on dirty dishes for breakfast 7/10
I mean, its a new year, I should be open minded

married with children and home improvement for breakfast 9/10
implies a sinister third element too heinous to describe

trespassing and taco donuts for breakfast 10/10
i invented taco donuts (t.d.)

little pieces of an egg and steak sauce for breakfast 0/10
maybe in hell, you maricón puto bitchh

hash and dog soup for breakfast 10/10
very Dave Crook on a rainy day and i'm liking it...

kelp and a diet coke for breakfast 2/10
sad whale? coke whale?

salute by dipset for breakfast 10/10
Spooky




























**** *** *** **** ****

Down All Night / Up All Night

THE RETURN OF COCAINE ENERGY DRINK: A


It’s cool that everyone chilled out and decided to accept the truth again. Post 2006.

dogners
dogners are rrreally good, you can leave them with their hand in the cut and they will stay on the break like a surfer homes

combing
i dont want to comb through my hair to my head flesh

piranha 3D
i dont want to sound corny but this is the best movie ive seen


vicodin floor
i slept on the floor on vicodin plenty of times. its fine, you'll do great here

black pontiac B+
why have a black pontiac when you can have a white pontiac? what do you really know about Los Angeles? You might be surprised. I don't know much. In Yonkers, everyone drives black cars with illegal tints. When I am wearing my blueblockers my car is black. There's definitely no tint in the windows but I would love an accord with illegal tints and rims. The city changes everyone. Maybe thats the third rule?
You ever seen the movie Story of a Junkie? its on instant netflix, its mashed potatoes to anyone who likes to chill in filth. Right at the beginning the dude in it talks about how everyone in new york does something they wouldn't otherwise do in order to get by, but nobody is gonna clock that big kid work in no damn black pontiac, you need that white pontiac


red pontiac B
I saw a bitchin red pontiac van, and it wasn't white like jonas' old one but it was still pretty bitchin. If i had a van I would want it to be white, to blend in with the rest of vans. I love a good, white, pontiac, you know? I like a little flute, I don't mind a few dents, no homo, okay, homo, i'm mad homo

pranksplosion, trey, amphetamine psychosis, mica, crush the trunx punx

fireworks inside A
it seems like a bad idea but its actually a very, very, good idea











chill vibes F
trey anastasio came to uvm from jersey: umm yuh... i've watched chill vibes drive friends to suicide like darby crash. if a soldier is pointing a rifle at you, don't put a flower in the barrel, you idiots








puking up arizona iced tea C
the first time I truly lost control on dexedrine I was seventeen, and at a combination car race and demolition derby in keene, new hampshire. I peaked during the event that featured school buses with amateur drivers who rallied the track scraping and butting each other's rides trying to disable and injure the other drivers in order to win the race. I pounded probably five raspberry arizona iced teas to try to ease my cottonmouth. I was trying to make an impression on the beautiful girl, but my tongue left me dry, dry, dead in my mouth and when I began shaking I excused myself and she left with her friends. I quietly puked some of the iced tea up in a toilet. Since then, I lost my taste for the raspberry flavor.
I didn't like the green tea arizona iced teas to begin with, and when I puked one up on all fours in the shower a month or two ago, I haven't been able to look at the corny chinese symbol-ridden packaging without feeling like a damn rube. look, honey, its nothing too bad for any veteran puker, but is already a lot like stomach acid to begin with

dragging my fingernails on pavement A-
its nice out there with the moon making the mica sparkle but i chewed all my nails








yung l.a.'s crush the block B
I don't know if I would like this if I wasnt crushing the block so damn hard

strictly 4 traps n trunks 6 (hosted by yo gotti) C-
Usually the traps n trunks mixtapes are good but this one is muy mediocre

secaucus, nj

rating: mega A+
I'm going to be honest, I don't know shit about Secaucus, except I've probably driven past it a couple of times. My true experience with Secaucus, which I guess is what I am rating, has to do with a time when I was walking my dog on 13th street at the age of 14 and a homeless buddy with a beard of booze linked arms with me. On our friendly stroll, he kept muttering sentences of an indecipherable nature that were laced with the word secaucus. Every five or so words he repeatedly yelled secaucus in a majorly forte style and it was beautiful. I just figured out what Secaucus is and therefore am pretty into it.
I'd go as far as to say that it is the "rosebud" of my teenage years.

meat pull

rating: alpha zed
When I say "meat pull," I'm talking about those times when you're eating something stringy, my example being prosciutto (though it frequently happens to me with pizza), and you get a little overzealous and swallow without having given your food item a thorough chewing. In turn, you're forced to yank the item from the back of your throat using your fingers. I rate this haunting experience both alpha and zed because the feeling of choking and saving yourself is simultaneously terrifying and exhilarating. This double edged sword onsets the type of fear that leaves you begging for more.
Golden star if you eat the meat your throat has already seen.

Desks

B rating:

Under most circumstances they are useless, but if you happen to inhabit one for more than a year - you can find some pretty good stuff in the back, inluding (but not limited to): scissors, tape, vicodin, film, passports, checkbooks, string, hankerchiefs, love-letters, cigarettes, chewing tobacco, spittoons, money, sea-shells, blank-cds, nyquil, someone else's weed, shake, orange-jucie, vitamins, phone-numbers that don't belong to anyone, keys, pins, hair, finger-nail clippers, straws, chords for nothing you need, dirt, t.p., underwear, paper, windex, photographs, polaroids, and shoe-laces. not bad when you need a quarter, know what I mean?

Hitchin It; I Watched It With Liz; Dirty Little Rumes; Boob Toob; Chooch's Duty; How You Gern Lie Lick Dat?

Alfred Hitchcock: Not For Stoners

Theys babes. Theys chases. Theys parties. Theys people that are just as terrifying and weird as jumping spyders. That's all dope. But nobody likes a plot twist when they’re high because its such an easy vibe manipulator for a part of the film that a high person couldn’t care less about.


The exception to this stoner shit is the byrds. All the gnarly colors and lack of justification for anything kill the competitive edge that stoners hate about Hitchcock movies. You’re just witnessing so much relatable terror that you party on it.





Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Dubbed Into Spanish: ✔+

As we all know everything is better Mexican style. Whether its fast food (the chorizo and queso blanco tacos at 5th and Girard for 2 clams), skeleton illustrations, true crime stories or high strung drama queens it will be better if its got the Mexican seal of mayhem on it. That’s why you can take Hollywood filmmaking’s thickest, creamiest buttjizz and turn into something rad just by morphing its actors into Spanish ventriloquist dummies.






The Bathroom at Barclay Prime: ✔

Unisex bathrooms are a new ploy to encourage flirtation and drug use in hip restaurants. You get ninjas and jugglettes rearranging their facepaint and throwing up their 80 clam entrees next to each other and some neddan exchange is down to happen. That’s why the gendered stalls with their full-length doors at Barclay Prime are a next level edition to architectural wingmanning. Everyone from Patrick Bateman to Luis Caruthers can let all of their weird illicit desires fly free in a place like that. There’s even a little mirror in each of the stalls so you can be freaked out by the bags under your eyes that the generous overhead lighting can’t conceal. My only complaint is that the mirror didn’t have a Z-axis to lie it flat so you could do massive grub sized lines right off that. As a solitary location the place gets high marks because its so crazy. But I can’t be totally stoked on it because the infestation of Manhattan zones into Philadelphia grosses me out. Stephen Starr is seriously Wraithing out at the top of the Comcast building in a chair with detailed engravings of the Yawm ad-Din that appears to be made of walnut but is actually tanned dolphin pelt and Jew-bones. And I can’t hate on that but goddam it’s unsavory.







Worlds Wildest Police Chases (TV show; not event): ✔−

Why not just watch porn you nutcase?






The 2010 Philadelphia Phillies: For Stoners

Statistics aside these boys have the intangibles down pat. They’re clearly the hunkiest team in baseball—though we’re all going to miss Jayson Werth next year when he signs with the Shelbyville Shelbyvillians. They just have a great attitude. From Michael Sweeney’s pervasive niceguy high-fives you can feel through the cable box to Ryan Howard’s chill dad to Chooch’s incomprehensible yarbling interviews. They’re havin fun out there and hastlin the haters better than most rappers. Few people have had such a pronounced aversion to haters in the history of ballin. Maybe Triple 6 Mafia is their only competition. Like. In general. Anyway let’s WFC it again come October bros.







The Ticket I Got From The NYPD For Not Letting an Undercover Cop From Jersey Cut Me Off: B −

I left Mateo’s house in Jersey City at 2:30 in the morning for Brooklyn to avoid getting a 40 clam ticket for parking Big Red on the wrong side of the road. Needless to say the Path train confused me and I ended up in Newark where a man claiming to be a lost member of Manudo gave me some Orbit Mist Gum and explained how he was never gay with Ricky Martin. The next day I was stuck on Broome Street trying to leave Manhattan for 2 hours when a car attempted to cut me off. It was a white Ford charger that turned out to be an undercover from Jersey. An NYPD officer gave me a hundo and 30 clam ticket. I told her I had no money and she didn’t care. I know this has nothing to do with the first part of the story but feel like the two events are linked cosmically or something gay like that. In either case I’m not paying the ticket. Come find me. I have bats that rule the evening with rabies and bad attitudes.

turkey, cumbies

puking up ground turkey 6.5/10
It was mostly flavorless but it was the texture of the ground turkey that really left me unimpressed. I propelled it with more force than I usually puke and I got to really watch it arch over the deck into the dying ferns which saved it from being a lesser experience


asking the lady at cumberland farms which the freshest blunt they got is and her frowning and handing me a strawberry white owl 9/10
hootie-hoo, yuh, woo-woos tie-dyeing the whip before noon betch

river monsters, times of day, new nyquil formula, bug fever, manfred mann

River Monsters (tv show) A+
A fifty year old raging queen named Jeremy John Wade from rural England blowing up every possible spot in order to engage in sadomasochistic rituals with improbably giant fish. Sport wood or get a job trying



10 am (time of day) F
If you are in any way okay with 10:00 a.m., I don't know you or your maricón tea-drinking pussy yoga morning friends and I don't fuck with you at all period because any real ass man or woman is either puking, writhing, or having spasms at that hour if they have to be dealing with the stupid, stupid, world



the new Nyquil formula B-
I don't touch anything cherry flavored unless it is worth it. Therefore, I don't know if they changed the cherry 'quil or not. They probably did and I am sure its terrible. I always have preferred the traditional flavor, a shittier, or maybe spicier, licorice flavor with overtones of alcohol like the Pernod in Absinthe, made tangy by the rad, rad, dxm. However, it is law that all cool things must come to suck, so they added much more menthol to the new nyquil formula. Everyone knows menthol goes in newports, not anti-anxiety medication.
But come with me to the Coke Side of Life. They changed the doctor downtown from diphenhydramine (in benadryl) to doxylamine succinate (in unisom) which is an aficionado's delight.
I remember seeing some footage on television of a bunch of deep sea divers celebrating in submarine pressure adjustment chambers by drinking nyquil. Of course it rules, otherwise why would they card you for in in Florida? Nyquil has saved me from tom petty's breakdown in cars, on trains, and everywhere I have been stranded. I expect it to continue to, thanks to its blend of herbs, vitamins, and minerals.




5:45 am (time of day) D-
This is the time of day when normal people with jobs start waking up and late night skateboarding takes a hazardous turn because most of the people driving around that early are landscapers in vans or F350s who think they are the only ones on the road but I am the exception that is proving the rule at that time of day




12:34 am A
Let me let you in on a little secret because this is the first post. When the numbers line up, the "Work" begins. This continues until approximately three in the morning, when the witching hour begins, which is observed until a good half hour after the sun is up which means its about time for me to ease back into the old coffin





Bug Fever C+
I don't miss Bug Fever and I don't think I ever will. It kept me on my toes and got me out of bed in the morning but sometimes it was all I could do to not burn the whole house down in order to kill all of the bugs. There was no escape from them, only the illusion of escape. For instance, after I would kill all of the horseflies in Colin's room and try to go to sleep I would look up and realize that the spiders were doing-the-cull in the corners, and there was nothing I could do about it.
There was one time that a horsefly got me and left a pig's eye sized welt that hurt whenever I pressed my back against anything. For the first few days, it itched heinously and leaked fluid. I felt generally feverish and insane. Another time I was dosed with europaaean acid and a bug was blown up my nose by the wind of a fan. The implications of it breeding maggots in my brain sent me spiraling into a thick fever. Luckily I had enough twisted tea to get wasted and wander around in the yard until the worst of it subsided.
It was rare that I would not be covered in ants in my sleep. I could only watch in passive terror as hundreds of black centipedes writhed over my bare toes in the swamp soil. Occasionally the temperature would drop and all of the flies would become slow and lazy and I was able to massacre them in large amounts. Only through much much death there was some escape from the buzzing and itching








manfred mann's feelings about being blinded by the light A++
"...momma always told me not to
look into the eyes of the sun,

but momma, thats where the fun is..."

















I WANT YOU GUYS IN ON THIS-
every last riscal rascal of you so
send me your email addresses

i just wanna make it clear that the idea is to review anything you want
however you want, just do it up, and do it up good. i used the
school grading system in this first test post but i will switch to other
units of measurement for the various things that i will have to both
encounter and review. do what you want do it it do it. if you aren't
down thats cool and ill just slash yr name off the list like yuh
because thats squaresvilel or have a job if you can't think of anything
you have opinions about its cool and all if you take your time, work it out,
do your thing, you know im laid back but you know i never sleep

i just want a community of friends gangbanging reality,
my friends all seem to have a lot to say about things and i
RESPECT IT AND SO SHOULD EVERYONE ELSE

personally, im gonna review some stupid shit and say some stupid shit
and you should too because we're on the internet and not only lamer
than that, we are on a blog and if the city hasnt turned you into a
termite already you recognize the internet is a fad and
nothing that we ever say ever really matters which means-


as of now, no one knows about this project but you dudes
and dudettes who i have let know , so,
unlike most projects which are secrets to us and our teams,

~~i want to start the commotion,
weirdos my sweet, sweet, weirdos,
we must take it to the mind-streets~

peace-ful-ness and warmth,
sissy spring