gosh aren't we all really thristy all the time? i wake most days, my throat scratched like sandpaper swallowed, black flecks of phlegm spewing every which way, metal sparks and car exhaust trapped up in there, drying me out to the bone. i think about this now, picking out pieces and tossing them into the cup by my bed. a few remedies:
room-temperature milk: D
i'm just going to start here with what i think to be probably the worst. first of all, it's poison. secondly, who needs this, who needs this time-take-back to post-womb lives, it's not cold, it's not hot, it's just flat flat flat. a small film stretches across and is covered with dust.
raw shower water: C+
now we're really getting into something, the tinny tin tin of the metal pipe, water heater backwash splishsplashed into my wanton mouth. i'm thirsty but not that thirsty.
cran-lemonade four loko the next day with morning's o.j.: C+
i was really let down by this one, everything about it points to G.O.O.D.E. truth is truth.
last quarter of gatorade bottle (color optional): A-
this is really where it begins. it's cold, you've been refrigerating, and you're thirsty, because it's the witching hour. what's too bad about this last quarter is that it doesn't last forever, because it feels like you've known this forever and you'd marry it now and be wed forever if it just would last a little longer. unfortunately, all good things must come to a gruesome, gruesome end and this one is no exception, she dies a slow death in front of your eyes and recycling bin, crying out to the night: "take me back to tulluleoooooooooooooooooooooooooo"
candlewax cocktail: B (only this last one, usually A/- material)
ever get something down there that feels a little hairy? that itch your mother couldn't even scratch? take this witch's advice: pour yourself a candlewax cocktail, swallow that string and let the wax drip on down, drip drip drip right down to the bottom of that string. pull 'er out, and you'll see: hair, dust, fur, feather, gypsies, diamonds, gold, what have you. REVISED: no found drawbacks.
vodka pineapple: A+
if you're reading this without one of these in your hands................
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